she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
