Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
