It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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