Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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