She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
