I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How does it feel to date your dad?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
