if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
