just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
