I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
