Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
