Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
