Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
