My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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