first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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