dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
