Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
