We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
as a side note pls kill me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
