and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
