He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
