its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
