I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so let's talk penis.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
