I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
