I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
