I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
