I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize