i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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