had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
