We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
