your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
