girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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