Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
