I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
