she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
