I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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