sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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