ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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