I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
