I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
