So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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