addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
