She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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