you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
