I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
