I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize