Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
