you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
