i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
