I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
