Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
