Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
