chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
