I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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