Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
