dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
