did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
