You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize