I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
