I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
