I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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