Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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