The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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