I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
