I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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