2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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