he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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