**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My penis needs a shock collar
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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