Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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