I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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