he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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