I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
