We're like a lot better than the average bears
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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