I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
