I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize